i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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