i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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