He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
