dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize