All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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