Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
