So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
