whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
