Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
