someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize