okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
