the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
