Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this will be a night to untag.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
