When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
as a side note pls kill me
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