Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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