I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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