you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
