There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
