Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
