my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
