so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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