U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
