I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
