Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
