He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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