Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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