his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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