PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
