Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
