why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
