just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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