Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're like the curious george of whores
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
