After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
