the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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