Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
