a queef is a wish your heart makes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
