I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
