i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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