There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
