Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why do cheetos always look like penises
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
