I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
