She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
