Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
