how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
