How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Randomize
