Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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