It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
