she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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