Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
