do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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