i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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