I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize