i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
