We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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