There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
