I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
