two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
