official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
