During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
