im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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