yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Randomize
