did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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