oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
