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• (314): View more from Missouri

  sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents

  (636): View more from Missouri

  never have sex?

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.

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• (631): View more from New York

  just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!

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• (561): View more from Florida

  NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact

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