Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
