I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize