walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't deserve a penis
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
