Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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