tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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