You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
