There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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