I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
