If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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