all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize