official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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