She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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