can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
