My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
