I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
