she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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