She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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