went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
