i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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