thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
how drunk are you?
Several
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
