my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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