I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
