3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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