dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
