I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
