We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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