I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
