Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize