All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
