I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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