and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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