Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
