happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
