what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
