I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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