Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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