we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sobbing to NWA
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
