Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
