Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize