I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
