when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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