my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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