it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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