yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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