I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
