Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
